The Garden Gnome in My Head

The other day, my gaze lingered in the garden. Our plants were stretching so confidently toward the sky, as if to say: 

“Hey, look how magnificent I’ve become – bet you didn’t expect that!”

I had to smile. Back then, when I tossed a few seeds into the soil with a “Well, probably won’t work anyway” kind of look, I could hardly imagine anything would grow. That basic mistrust – the inner doubt about whether things will really work out – was like a garden gnome in my head: always there, rarely helpful, but hard to get rid of.

Not just in the garden. I’ve often doubted whether I could overcome the hurdles life placed in front of me. And yet, I quietly began planting new seeds – small, brave decisions along my path. I knew they were good for me, but I didn’t really believe in their impact.

Today I see it differently: Those little seeds of decision have actually taken root – slowly, quietly, and with strength. Not overnight, but steadily. What was missing back then wasn’t action – it was trust.

Maybe it’s not about always knowing that everything will turn out fine – but about sensing that it could. And let’s be honest: who wants to go through life with a suspicious little garden gnome whispering doubt in their ear?

For a long time, I thought my self-doubt was just “how I am.” Then I discovered the Enneagram – and realized it’s part of a deeper pattern within my personality type. A pattern we can come to see clearly – and meet with kindness and transformation.

Maybe it’s a gentle reminder that your patterns aren’t flaws – just starting points. Warmly

Caroline Tanja Banz